Trusting Your Kids (and Yourself) More
Where are you on the trust scale for yourself and your kids? How did you get there?
We trust that babies know exactly when to start rolling over, crawling, walking, talking etc. (even if there are gadgets and things to get them to do all this stuff earlier!)
Whichever way your parenting journey began, and regardless of if it involved any kind of routines, schedules or training, I’m guessing you’re here because you want to trust your kids (and probably yourself) a whole lot more from now on.
Parents who are curious about parenting by design, and who I’ve worked with so far on their family charts, say things like:
“I want to be able to understand my kids more”
“I want them to know they are loved in a way that feels good for them”
“I want to honour their uniqueness”
And one word that combines all of these desires: trust. Trust that your child knows exactly what they need, and trust in yourself to ‘let go and let them be’.
Why do parents struggle with trust so much?
Trust is not something that comes easy for so many of us. As parents the mistrust starts so early, even during pregnancy, that we need to hand all power, decisions and control over to someone else, someone who ‘knows better’ (i.e. a doctor or a ‘guru’). And then when we become parents we are bombarded with advice, products and services that take us further and further away from trusting our own instinct – feeding advice, sleep training schedules and infant routines to follow. And rarely do we hear anyone simply tell us to dial into our intuition to find the ancient wisdom within. (Of course, I’m not saying to ditch all kinds of external support and input, but it needs to be balanced with how we feel about things too, and not just blindly followed).
I know for me it was only when I started to turn inwards and question how I felt about something that I was able to really get the answers I needed and I started to trust my baby, and myself a whole lot more. From everything to sleep, and breastfeeding and learning to read and ride a bike, I have really tried to let things be, instead of insisting my kids follow someone else’s agenda (and we all feel like a failure in the meantime!) But, it’s still a work in progress!
Trust through Human Design
So what does all this have to do with Human Design parenting? Well, one of the biggest gifts that I’ve received, and I’ve witnessed my clients receive is a sense of trust – trust for their kids, and trust for themselves on this journey. This is because when we are aware and able to tap into our unique decision-making power (aka our authority) we’re able to fully feel into what’s right for us.
For someone with sacral authority (that’s me), my self-trust comes from really listening to my initial gut instinct on something and trusting it, even if there is little logic to it. In fact, I’ve learnt that if I can use logic to explain something, it’s likely the wrong decision for me.
For someone with emotional authority (my eldest daughter), they need to ride the emotional rollercoaster or ‘wave’ before they can fully trust themselves on something. This could be a matter of minutes, or even days, but when they’ve experienced what things feel like at all points on their wave, they can make their final call knowing it’s the right one.
For one of my reflector clients recently (reflectors have lunar authority, so ideally wait a moon cycle, or 28 days to make big decisions), she could totally identify with this need to have some time to really sit with her decisions and come to a conclusion in her own time (not necessarily 28 days though!).
With a sacral husband who had a gut Y/N response, this reflector mama was struggling to explain why she couldn’t make decisions in the same way. Now she has this awareness, they’ve been able to communicate and trust each other’s decision making process better.
Trusting our kids
Imagine being able to know when your kids are using their own personal barometer for how things feel for them. Not to be swayed too heavily by peer pressure. Not to push down their feelings and emotions because they are ‘too loud’ or ‘too emotional’.
You, as the parent can help them with this when you know more about their unique design. You can show them their chart and talk to them about whether they feel a gut instinct or an emotional response, or if they prefer to talk it out externally to come to a decision (like the rare sub-type of a mental projector).
These kinds of insights are possible when you truly understand the basics of your kids charts, and you’re able to help them navigate their absolute innate wisdom – and by leading by your own example.
It’s not always easy but it’s worthwhile.
Ready to add Human Design to your parenting toolkit?
Keen to dive deeper?